When your family member chooses palliative care, it can be an intense relief. If they’ve been ill for a long time, or if they are facing a series of medical treatments that seem to offer nothing but pain and side-effects without any real hope for meaningful recovery, knowing that your loved one is choosing the time and manner of their own passing can be an incredible relief.
But at the same time, being a caregiver for someone who is dying takes a great deal of personal energy, and can be very hard for the family members that will survive the eventual death of the person receiving palliative care. Today, let’s talk about some of the ways that caregivers need to support themselves while they help the ones they love pass on easily.
Maintain Your Own Emotional Space
When someone is actively dying, a caregiver might feel a great deal of pressure to be at their side every moment, from big ones to small ones. While the urge is understandable, when you break down those sorts of boundaries, it can become difficult to maintain your own health, both physical and emotional. When you start to feel overwhelmed as a caregiver, you could:
• Go for a walk. Even if it’s just to a corner store and back, the fresh air and physical activity triggers your brain to release serotonin, your body’s feel-good chemical, and helps you let go of anxiety and fear.
• Take time for your favourite hobby or pastime. Whether you love knitting, reading, or playing video games, take some time to recharge with an activity that makes you feel like yourself. This can even be something you do in the room where your family member is resting, if they need a caregiver present at all times.
• Arrange for another caregiver for a day, and take some time away. Caring for a dying loved one is emotionally and physically taxing. It’s absolutely necessary for you to take some time to rest and recover your own strength in order to keep up the level of care you want to provide to your loved one.
Allow Yourself to Be Cared for
Whether your loved one is in a hospital or hospice facility, or at home, you will likely be spending so much time caring for them that caring for your own basic needs can be difficult. You may be barraged by people who say “let me know if I can help,” but you don’t quite know what to ask them to do. Some suggestions:
• Grocery shopping
• Prepare healthy and nourishing meals that can be easily reheated in a microwave or oven
• Basic cleaning around the house
• Coffee or a meal out of the house while someone stays with your loved one
• Emotional space to vent your feelings without feeling that your friend is tired of listening
It can feel strange to respond to people’s offers for help, and unfortunately, you may encounter a few people who have clearly offered only to be polite, but are actually unable to complete the request. Focus on those who are able and willing to help, and trust that they’re doing this because they would want your help in the same situation.
When you are watching a loved one go through the end of their life, you can feel a wide variety of emotions. Frustration, relief, anger, grief, sadness, and joy are just a few of the emotions that can play havoc on your mind while you help provide palliative care to someone you love, and it can feel as if there is no place for you to have any of those emotions. Set up that healthy space for yourself by relying on your own community and friends, so that you can focus your energy on your loved one.