Palliative Care
Over the last several years, many articles have been written about the concept of palliative care. At its most basic, palliative care means that instead of aggressively trying to cure someone when we have little to no hope of success, we focus instead on keeping them calm and peaceful at the end of their life, allowing them to connect with family and friends in a comfortable setting instead of passing away in an intensive care unit with constant medical interventions. From Ken Murray’s article, “How Doctors Die,” to Stephanie O’Neill’s recent piece for National Public Radio, many conversations have begun to focus on making sure that patients receive all possible options for their care, including the option to avoid treatment.
Even as more and more patients choose these options, we as a culture struggle to address these topics. Many of those whose family members choose palliative care over more aggressive treatments struggle with a variety of emotions. Let’s talk about some of the emotions that might surface if you’re working as caregiver for someone who is choosing palliative end of life care.
Grief
Grief is always a part of death, but when someone has chosen palliative care, it can be a difficult situation for the family. You may know that someone is going to die, but be unsure of when, or how, or what exactly will happen. You may be deeply sad that the person is choosing not to extend their life.
Anger
Anger is also part of a typical grieving process, but when someone has elected palliative care, they are sometimes faced with that anger first hand. It’s important for caregivers to make sure that they vent their emotions outwards, away from the person who is nearing end of life.
Relief
We tend to, as a culture, think of death as a painful and sad process. But if you love someone who has been in substantial pain for many years, and is electing to move from aggressive treatment to palliative care, you can feel a great deal of relief. To know that they will no longer suffer from side effects from their treatment, or that they’ll pass in the way they choose, can be intensely relieving. But relief, in and of itself, can leave caregivers feeling guilty. After all, it can be upsetting to think that you’ll be perceived as relieved that your loved one is dying.
Joy
When someone you love is no longer in pain, you can feel a great deal of joy. You can be incredibly sorrowful that they are no longer in your life, but you can also be grateful that their discomfort has ended. As a caregiver, this can be an incredibly hard emotion to stomach. Like feeling relief, you may be disturbed at the elation that can come when you realise that someone’s pain has ended. However, this feeling is just as much a natural part of the process as grief, sadness, and anger.
Support Network
If you’re a caregiver to someone receiving palliative care, it’s important to have a support network where you can vent your honest feelings without judgement. Some people are able to find that through friends and family, while others prefer to make regular appointments with a therapist who can listen as a professional neutral party.
Whatever method of venting you choose, as a caregiver, it’s incredibly important to give yourself a method of expressing your feelings. This will help you both to be a better caregiver, and to take better care of yourself when your loved one has passed on.
When people choose palliative care, it is often a positive choice for them. It allows them to spend their final days in the manner that they choose. By taking care yourself, you help take care of them.