We all recognise a curve-ball when it comes at us, because it has the same qualities that we all dislike: disruption, loss and disorder. It is unexpected and ill-prepared for, which means we need to use whatever resources we have to deal with it the best way that we can. It can be anything from sudden illness and loss of function to being retrenched from a job we have had for years and felt like an old comfortable pair of shoes.

Do a stock-check

When the ship has sunk and you’re lying on the shore after a battle for your life, there’s a few pieces of the ship washed up with you. When you can get up, it’s time to take stock of what you have and what you can do with it going forward.

The more objective you are in this process, the more likely you are to work on this like a project which enables you to have a clearer picture of what is possible. You are looking for the active components of your life, the skills you have, the physical capabilities you have and the supports that are available.

An emotional tidal-wave will still knock you off your feet now and then, but eventually even that will settle down to a fine and calm day.

Look forward with belief

You had belief in yourself before and you learnt and worked hard to get there. You can do it again.

Look at others for inspiration when you are feeling particularly lost and sad. Allow yourself time to grieve for the life which is now behind you, however the process for re-building can begin even during our grief, because we are human and do not make progress like a numbered production line. Some days will be productive and others will be devoted to resting, thinking and crying if you need to.

Learn from others

You don’t have to reinvent the wheel because almost all of the time, there will be someone else who has had the same or a similar curve ball thrown at them. There are support groups available, friends with experience that can help you, professionals who will supply you with options.

Inspire yourself with amazing people like Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking. They offer the example of extremes of difficulties that a person can live with while still having meaning and giving to this world in their own very special way. It just shows you what the human spirit is really capable of.

Take action

By moving actively as you search for the parts that make up your new life, including looking at what can be salvaged from your old life and reinvented, an interesting thing will happen. You will make discoveries relating to purpose and silver linings that were previously hidden. It is as if your own positive effort is noticed by the universe and it conspires to assist you.

Have hope

Always have hope. It is the human antidote to despair. We want to believe that we will be happy and fulfilled.

Stephen Hawking had belief and hope otherwise we wouldn’t have heard one mechanically enhanced word from him and the world would be poorer for it. Ingrid Poulson is another person who has built a pathway out of unimaginable despair when she lost both her children and her father in tragic circumstances. There are many people to look to for inspiration, and fundamentally we are all the same and therefore we know there must be a pathway forward.

Can your curve ball be looked at in a new light? An opportunity, a chance to reset, a time to learn resilience, tolerance and humility. We are forced to learn how to adjust, the key words being that we are forced to learn.

Erica Fotineas

September 2018