What is Moderation?
Moderation is the sigh of relief which speaks to us of applied balance. Each of us is a finely tuned set of scales which tips gently to and fro, our bodies and minds designed perfectly to allow for the natural movements of life. But the natural movement of life also includes extremes which push us to evolve, through pain both emotional and physical, and demands to exceed our limitations; none more so than grief and loss. Consciously choosing moderation at times like this will help us to recover.

Out of Balance
When the to and fro exceeds familiarity and contentment we feel out of balance, uneasy, unwell, discontented. It happens with excess of any kind and it happens with deprivation.
Our emotions are very sensitive to the fluctuations of life. Grief, loss and tragedy create significant imbalance with an excess of sadness and a deprivation of joy.

Moderation re-instates balance
The emotions respond to the application of a healing plan which uses moderation as it’s driving force, which seems like a contradiction in terms but which actually underlines the power of moderation in our lives to create peace. The gentleness of moderation used consistently, profoundly calms the extremes of excess and deprivation. To heal great sadness we gently and consistently receive the love of family and friends; we experience the ordinary reliability of sunrise and sunset; we participate in the grounding effects of cleaning ourselves and our environment, and the simple passing of time gradually extracts the ill-effects of excess. At the very worst moments, in the depths of despair, the focus on breathing, moving and showering are simple moments of moderating the devastating effects of loss.

Countering the deprivation of joy
The deprivation of joy is countered with the gifts of ordinary life, not just ordinary life but the gifts, the special aspects which are given to us or we become more conscious of them by choosing to see them.
How often has a loved one passed away and then we hear of a new baby to be born into the family? How often do we receive love and compassion from unexpected sources when tragedy occurs?

Flowers and the natural world
Flowers have the power of natural moderation within their emotional effect. They have gentleness, beauty, colour and uplifting fragrance. They begin the slow swing of balance away from the deprivation of joy. A flower is the very beginning of new joy, imperceptible at first glance. Can we ever imagine a funeral without flowers? The natural world offers every imaginable balance to an excess of life lived within concrete, bricks and artificial light. Purposely exposing ourselves to the environment through walking on the beach, camping or visiting a botanical garden, all create healing balance. Giving flowers to those who are suffering is always a healing gesture.

Discovering where moderation is required
Even those who are not affected by grief will benefit from investigating why there is an absence of joy, or how any excess has deprived them of being at peace. Wellbeing is really only possible when moderation and balance are applied to any area of your life, thoughts, situation or behaviours that feel uneasy or saturated in discontent. Find the act of moderation to counter the imbalance and apply it with gentle consistency. In that moment you will begin the process of calming down a wildly swinging pendulum which may prove to be the source of your own unhappiness.
It may be you are over-worked, financially expending more than you earn, not getting enough sleep, eating too much, eating rich food, drinking too much, being too negative, being too lazy. Being too busy. Being too caring. No down time, no ‘me’ time.
Excess and deprivation can come from poor choices, or from a situation over which we have no control. If the ‘butterfly effect’ can make a difference, imagine what a concious choice of your own can do. Perhaps Marcus Tulius Cicero was also thinking of moderation when he advised us centuries ago:
‘The pursuit, even of the best things, ought to be calm and tranquil.’

Erica Fotineas
July 2018