You don’t need a religious affiliation to recognise a sense of soulfulness in the life we live. Confronting our mortality draws this soulfulness up to the surface like a turtle must eventually come up for a long deep breath of air.
A diagnosis of cancer or other significant disease will do this just as surely as when we lose someone dear to us, because for the most part, life ensures that we do not confront our mortality.
So when it comes, it is a shock. And subsequently is almost inevitable that some degree of depression will arrive during this journey.
Fear of death and illness are commonplace (naturally you might say), because it is hard to see a positive aspect to either of them. It is fear that propels us into a fighting position, but as time goes on, and the fight becomes exhausting, or the disease progresses or fails to be overcome, depression can and often does sink in.
Can we allow ourselves this sadness?
It is time then to really look at the depression with its associated feelings, and see what else it means.
Thomas Moore in his book ‘Care of the Soul’, encourages us to look at melancholy in a different light:
‘……it gives the soul an opportunity to express a side of its nature that is as valid as any other, but is hidden out of our distaste for its darkness and bitterness’……and that……..’if we could only take away the negative connotations of the word (depression), we might begin to appreciate that it actually has value in our lives. We might see melancholy more as a valid way of being rather than as a problem that needs to be eradicated.’
This isn’t to say that depression is not unpleasant, it is. It is lonely and sad. At no other time do we feel more ill-equipped to deal with whatever is on our plate. However, when you remove the desire to cure it, fix it, and medicate against it, but just observe that you feel this way for a really good reason, you can relax somewhat. There is normal melancholy or depression during phases of everyone’s life.
It is different to Clinical Depression described in Part 1. You are just desperately sad.
And this is normal when there is significant loss. Dismay and disillusionment are felt strongly as the images and beliefs you’ve held are shaken beyond recognition.
How does depression work at a soul level?
It can still be hard to see how depression is helpful. Rudolph Steiner gives an interesting analogy to support this idea:
‘Imagine you are standing before two people with strong beliefs and opinions. One says yes you should do this, the other says no you should do something else. Both are influencing you to make a choice. No matter which one you choose, you are being influenced by the other person’s strength of will and it has empowered you to make a choice.
Now imagine you were alone, and from within yourself you are forced to find the yes or the no. It can only come from your own will, your own knowledge.’
Steiner says:
‘That develops a strong power, but now it is within myself……I have now developed for myself as a strength within my own soul……and should not regard this as something unpleasant……we will then see that a great deal has been achieved toward the strengthening of the will.’
Depression is clearly something you do on your own. It is a time to feel sad, feel loss, and then come out from the depths of that experience with knowledge of what you have learnt about yourself and your life.
Permission to feel sad.
Giving yourself permission to feel sad and melancholic frees you to learn what you need to, and energy is not wasted trying to retrieve what is gone, or deny what is happening, to hide it and pretend to be ok.
Acceptance of sadness and a situation is also an open door to seeing what is meaningful and happy. It’s ok to cry, to withdraw from life for a time, to allow this process to unfold. Even if you are only able to take it in private moments away from work or others.
If anyone had a reason to be depressed it was Anne Frank. Trapped as she was in a situation which unfolded monotonously, forced to live and move within the most suffocating of confines or lose her life. Despite this, she was able to write these famous words in her diary:
‘It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.’
Although her circumstances are quite different to yours, Anne shows us something of the human spirit to prevail. Your mountain to climb may be similarly steep and difficult, but it is your mountain and the journey is yours. Don’t compare yourself, it is your perspective, but know that there is equally an opportunity to find hope and strength within.
Depression can be your teacher and your friend. It draws you into sadness to review your values, and find what is meaningful. You will be changed, you will have depth and compassion for others who are suffering. Your eyes will look upon the world refreshed by the many tears they have shed, seeing things more clearly than before.
And when you think that you may not ever feel truly happy again, somehow a rainbow inexplicably appears on the grey drizzly horizon of your life. We feel alone, but we are not alone. Our understanding has grown and we can see light where there is light.
But I’m still not sure, maybe I do have Clinical Depression?
I have written about feeling depressed or sad as a normal response to a difficult situation. If you haven’t yet read Depression Part 1, it might be helpful to look at it if you are having physical symptoms that are not resolving, or your depth of sadness is evolving into symptoms of Clinical Depression. This will help you see the difference and realise there is something that can be done to help you through it. If you are still not sure, and feel that you are in need of help, please talk to your Doctor or a trusted friend. Sometimes talking about it is enough to realise whether further steps need to be taken.
Erica Fotineas
